this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
