I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
