I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So gin and wine won't be happening again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
should my penis look like a turkey
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
