But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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