I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
