my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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