I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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