Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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