She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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