Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize