Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
this hospital has no fireball
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
