Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
