What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
