Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
