I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize