Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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