he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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