just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
