Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
