Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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