I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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