If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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