yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
