there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
whose ass print is on the piano?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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