and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want a musical about memes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize