i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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