Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Congratulations! We have a period
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
