I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
