my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My dick has a subreddit
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
