Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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