a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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