I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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