So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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