She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had to cum in my sink.
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