people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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