WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
