would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
