this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
