The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
