Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
