i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
