apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
