3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
