this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i came on her dog
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
