well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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