i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
