we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
