Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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