afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
