yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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