You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
