We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
