Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
