i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
