You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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