I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
