I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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