I can't breathe out the right side of my face
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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