So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I cannot find my penis.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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