I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
