"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
