we're chasing vodka with high fives
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
