Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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