Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
