great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
