Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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