Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
