Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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