It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
