Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
