Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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