I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
