Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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