He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
