shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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