Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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