he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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