gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
