TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
