He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
