im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
