You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
