Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
