Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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