I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
