He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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