you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The struggles of a small town man whore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
