Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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