He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
