I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
