can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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