My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
