i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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